I got a comment today: "Mayank, what about your blog? Enthu down?". I wonder, do I want to write about what I'm feeling? or, can I?
I have been pondering over this for a while now. I've asked quite a few of my friends, "Why don't you write blogs?". There are two most common answers:
1. Blogs are written by those who have endless time in life.
2. I can't let my thoughts be exposed in public
"Endless time" being a relative term, I won't dwell too much into it. What interests me is the second answer.
Contradictory needs. The need to express yourself, the need to be heard, and yet, not to be judged, srutinized, probed and exposed. I guess at some level, and some point of time, this is what we all feel. The feeling of, "Oh I need to talk about this to someone" versus "should I?". A common trait, which quickly converts into frustration/lows. And we prefer being quiet.
Why do we get so defensive while expressing ourselves? Why can't we break free of the fear of being judged? Does it really matter? And what about, "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."? Or is it that something else that makes me/us not write about stuff that's close and personal?
Furthermore, I wonder where is the vent then. People write blogs so that they can express themselves. And places where they really need to express and "let it out" is where they bury deep down. I wonder when would I be able to openly write what I think, and not use aliases/similar stories/spoofs/downplays/euphemisms.
As a (good) first step towards breaking free, I am listing down things I want to write about, but I'm not writing. Alongwith it are reasons why I think I'm not writing about them:
1. Work culture in my company - maybe coz I wonder some employee/my boss is reading it
2. Why did I make those choices in life? - maybe I dont wanna look like a fool! My friends at ITC would echo this :P
3. My failed love life - maybe coz I don't want others to judge her
4. Loneliness @ Bhadra - maybe coz it always feels empty :D, coz no matter how much I express it, its not gonna help.
5. Need for human company/companionship - maybe coz I don't wanna sound desperate :P
6. Run-away from Bhadra - I wonder why I haven't written yet.... or maybe, reasons same as stated in 1.
Adieu, with hopes that one day, I would break free.
PS: Thanks Akanksha, discussion with you finally led to a blog :-)
An attempt to link emotions to words...
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6 comments:
Ahhh well, truly the answers which I get when I ask my pals the reason for not blogging! Add to it another one though... laziness... the one thingie that has added to the general and mundane lifestyle of homosapiens round the globe.
Rest, one can't deny that thoughts are definitely the infamous aspects where each and everyone struggles to either vent it out or to store and freeze them inside the deep cold storage of ones conscience.
Keep blogging though!!
ur blog ur canvas paint wateva u like.....
:P
Or the fact that people out there are absolute dimwits who don't give a crapbag for what you think, and still come round reading blogs feeling that they are intellectual coz they read blogs, and then they go write one for themselves and feel more intellectual about themselves while in reality they are crapbags and dimwits who have no idea what they are.
Get me?
@Pallav: Yeah, laziness is the 3rd most common.
@Stuti: Thanks, yeah thats what I plan to do
@Giddu: Weirdo!
Aah, feeling like venting out all my philosophical comments and write another blog in your comments, but I fear I can come in category described by Giddu :-P
I would only say - try not to accumulate so that you need to vent and if it is unavoidable, just make ways to break free, but not on blogs :-P
Another important reason people fear to express themselves, is their inability to accept what all they feel... (as u mentioned.. "maybe coz I don't wanna sound desperate :) The reason sometimes is we don't want to accpet the fact that we are feeling lonely..)
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